


The awkward incident with the cape that no one speaks about

by Kiss_The_Karkitty



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Blowjobs, Fluff, Gayness, M/M, Meteorstuck, Swearing, so much swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-04
Updated: 2015-01-04
Packaged: 2018-03-05 07:07:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3110648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiss_The_Karkitty/pseuds/Kiss_The_Karkitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave Elizabeth Strider had always been a chill guy, that is, until the fuckass named Karkat Vantas ended up stuck with him on the meteor, has a habit of stealing his things, and is dating his crush/best friend John Egbert. </p><p>Shits gonna get motherfucking insane all up in this bitch.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The awkward incident with the cape that no one speaks about

"Fuck" Dave muttered under his breath and ran a hand through his bleached blonde hair. "Where the fuck is my cape?" He spewed these mindless profanities around his room and frantically started picking things up, trying to find the whereabouts of his God-Tier cape. The Strider was done with being chill, he was really pissed, Karkat was always taking his things. He nearly let out a groan when he remembered the only place he hadn't checked yet. 

Karkat's bedroom.

"I bet that shit-head fucking has it" Dave grumbled to himself and burst through the troll's door, fuming. He couldn't help but see the stupid fucking paper that read 'karkat's room, stay out' in all caps grey and written in cute little blue handwriting, was 'Aka, John's boyfriend :D' Looking at it made Dave sick to his stomach. 

Of course, Karkat was curled up on his floor (of fucking course the weirdo wasn't using his BED, which was covered in the old plastic cases for numerous romantic comedies Dave didn't want to admit he's seen) with nothing other than his Coca Cola red cape wrapped around him like some kind of blanket. The strider couldn't help but notice how small he looked (not like it was cute or anything), like he was going to drown in all the red fabric. The top of his head along with his horns were the only thing that stuck out, and his feet were easily covered due to how short he was. 

"Wake up fuckass" Dave inched forward and poked at Karkat's almost showing ribs with his foot. Damn that boy was thin, Dave felt himself soften at the sight of him. The little leader just growled softly and pulled the cape tighter around him. Dave was tempted to just stomp him into the floor, John would never see his affection for him, he had always claimed to be 'not a homosexual' and then goes and dates someone like Karkat. What the fuck made being with Karkat not homosexual? Dave just didn't get it. 

"Hey" Dave tried again, this time bending down on one knee and trying to tug the garment off of him, which only resulted in Karkat's growling to grow louder. "Jeeze man, don't take off a finger" He backed off, putting his hands in the air as mock defence. 

"Then get the fuck out of my respite block" Karkat growled again and shifted out of Dave's reach. 

"Hell no man" Dave hesitantly reached an arm over Karkat's body, so he was practically hovering over him without straddling him, which would have been mortifying. He wondered how John did it without getting his face bitten off. 

"My cape is not a snuggle toy" He said sternly, overly self-conscious of how his shades were slipping down his nose and was dangerously close to showing his eyes. Karkat flipped around at light speed and uncovered his face to glare 'menacingly' up at Dave. 

"I am the leader, and sleep are something I don't fucking get enough of with people like you barging in and stealing blankets, is something you shouldn't be doing" Dave almost laughed out loud at Karkat's grammatical failure of a sentence. Maybe Karkat wasn't so bad, but he definitely wasn't cute. Definitely not. 

"That doesn't even make sense" Dave pointed out, just now understanding how John could stand being in a relationship with this douche-nozzle, he was rather cute. 

No, fuck. Dave didn't just think that. 

"Just fucking leave already" he growled and pulled the cape around him tighter. 

"Dude you have my cape" Dave was seriously considering just pulling his cape off Karkat and leaving, but he was genuinely enjoying teasing him. 

"F-Fuck off... Just leave and give me five minutes, I'll get it back to you then" He said, the blonde could have sworn seeing a light red creep into his face. 

Why the fuck was Karkat blushing?

"Dude, why? I mean I know you just took it because it smells like me" Dave tried to grab at the opposite side of the cape but Karkat moved right so Dave was basically thrown over him. Dave felt his face heat up when he registered their positions. 

The cape was stuck between them and the position was way worse than the previously imagined straddling. Dave now had one leg on one side of Karkat an the other between his legs, dangerously close to his crotch. The fact that the troll was only wearing boxers didn't really help. Moving quickly, Dave tried to get off of him but it only resulted in him accidentally brushing his knee against Karkat's crotch.

And he fucking moaned. 

Dave looked down in both horror and delight to see that the troll's boxers were bulging. He had just woken Karkat up, did trolls get morning wood too? Dave thought that was just a human thing, but nevertheless he moved his leg against the sensitive area again, just despite himself. Karkat blushed candy red and moaned again. 

"Strider... The fuck are you doing?" He growled. 

"Haha, is someone a little sensitive?" Dave smirked and palmed at his boxers, feeling a squirming mess of what felt almost like a tentacle. 

What the hell did trolls have going on downstairs?

"Shut the fuck up right now or I swear to gog I will- aaahhh..." The start of an angry rant was cut off abruptly but a loud moan. 

"Or you'll what? Cum in my hand?" Dave asked bluntly, his grin widening as he remembered the two little candy corn coloured nubs on his head. 

"Strider!" Karkat yelled and Dave couldn't tell if he was moaning his name or growling it. Either way, it was hot. Dave reached a hand up to grab his horns when his arm was stopped by Karkat's claw-like nails sinking into his wrist, easily drawing blood. 

Fuck. Now Rose would think he was cutting himself. 

"Come on kitten, I can't play with the horns?" Dave asked, knowing it would drive Karkat crazy, which it did.

"NO, AS A MATTER OF FACT YOU CAN NO-ohh... Fuck Dave right there.... Aaaaahhh, yes" Karkat's yelling quickly turned into pleasured moans again when Dave rubbed his hand harder against the fabric. 

"You know you talk too much Karkat" Dave trailed a hand down his chest and abs. He took the opportunity to run his fingers over his horns, causing a cute purring sound to erupt out of his tiny quivering chest. 

"Shut up" Karkat managed, but for once he didn't sound like he meant it. The slight rasp to his voice was actually really cute, and he just looked so vulnerable and small underneath him. 

Dave smirked and massaged him through his underwear again, squeezing and tracing the squirming mass. Not to the Strider's surprise, the troll's boxers were light grey with little spades and hearts on them. 

"Your underwear is really cute" The blonde licked his lips as he said this and Karkat just glared up at him. 

"No, what they are, is stopping you from playing with my bulge, so just take them off already" Karkat growled at him and Dave tugged the garment off, tossing them across the room into a forgotten corner. He was greeted by the sight of a tentacle like mass writhing and twisting around on itself on his stomach. It was cherry red and was starting to get this weird red fluid everywhere. 

"What is it?" Dave asked, blatantly staring at it and unconsciously licking his lips again. It looked kind of like some Japanese porno his brother would watch, and Dave was kinda into it. 

"It's my bulge you dumbass, are you just going to stare at it?" Dave noticed that Karkat's irises had fully changed to scarlet, a lighter shade of his own eyes.

"No I'm not" The strider grabbed the base firmly and stated massaging it, enjoying the way he could feel it pulse in his hand. The end of it wrapped tightly around his wrist (thankfully not the bloodied one) and squeezed gently, almost as if looking for something to fuck. 

Dave ignored the strain in his skinny jeans and leaned down to tentatively give the 'bulge' a lick. It surprisingly tasted like a mix of cherry cough syrup and red hots, which Dave didn't mind, and actually found it quite nice. 

"What the fuck are you doing?" Karkat spat at him, not wanting to admit that he loved seeing Dave being a literal bulge-licker. 

"Giving you a blowjob, duh" Dave pressed his tongue firmly against the appendage and dragged it up. He then kissed the tip before taking it into his mouth and sucking lightly. 

"A what?" The troll asked, all though it was apparent that he was in a lot of pleasure, and the purring hadn't stopped. 

"Never mind, just go with it, okay?" Dave slowly took more into his mouth and swirled his tongue around it, sucking a little harder. He relished in all the little gasps and moans coming from above him and smirked despite the large amount of bulge in his mouth. He started thinking to himself that though this had started as a revenge plan directed at John, it was starting to fade into newfound feelings for Karkat. He tried desperately to dismiss that thought and plunged his mouth down further. 

"O-oh fuck... Dave..." Karkat moaned out his name and ran his shaky fingers through the Strider's white blonde hair. Dave chuckled and hummed around him, sending vibrations down his length along with new waves of pleasure. 

"You like this kitten?" Dave asked teasingly and flicked his tongue over the base before sucking at the candy red flesh. 

"Yes... Oh gog Dave don't stop" The troll's voice was climbing higher and higher, coming out on pleasured gasps of profanities. He sounded close to the edge. Dave took the end in his mouth again and fit in about half of the bulge without choking. He gave a hard suck and pumped the base loosely, curling his fingers around the pulsing appendage. 

Karkat's fingers wound themselves into Dave's hair and tugged lightly when the blonde swallowed around his length. He was panting and desperate for release by now so it was torture when Dave took his mouth off and looked at him through his stupid shades he insisted on wearing. 

"Almost there?" Came his snarky remark before he dragged his tongue across the sensitive tip again. 

"Yes... Gog fucking dammit Dave" he growled when Dave simply kissed the tip instead of sucking again. He just loved fucking with the troll. 

"What is it kitty?" Dave asked before leaving another chaste kiss against the side and dragging his fingers along it agonizingly slow. "Tell me what you want and I might comply" Karkat narrowed his eyes at him. 

"Jegus fuck... SUCK Strider" Karkat growled and roughly tugged at his hair. Okay, that hurt, but Dave could deal with it. He was pleased by the troll's reaction and took as much as he could on his mouth, sucking almost harshly. 

"I-I'm gonna... Oh fuck... DAVE!" The leader moaned in almost a shriek and Dave took his mouth off in time. He got splattered in the face by the weird red fluid and looked up to see that it got all over Karkat's stomach and parts of his bare chest. 

"You all done now?" Dave asked, taking off his shades to wipe off any genetic material and smirking down on the troll. 

"Oh fuck you" Karkat panted and tossed his head the side feistily. He was a pretty cute sight, his messy black hair falling into his eyes and a bright red colour coating his cheeks. Oh holy fuck that was adorable, 

"I'll have to take you up on that offer some time" Dave smirked and stood up, brushing off his jeans, which were still feeling about six sizes too small at this point. "And keep the cape for now, I'll wash it later."

Dave left the room and immediately sat on his bed and set his shades beside him, fumbling with the button on his red jeans. He hadn't touched anyone or been touched in so long, and he really needed that. He didn't know how much longer they'd be stuck on the meteor together and he had sensed the sexual tension between him and Karkat building ever since they saw each other. It was really nice to finally have some relief. 

Before Dave knew what was going on or where his mind was taking him, he was stroking himself and giving a soft, satisfied moan. He could barely comprehend that he had just sucked off Vantas and was now jacking off because of it. 

"The fuck are you doing?" Dave looked up to see Karkat standing there, presumably cleaned off, with his cape folded messily in his thin arms. 

"What does it look like I'm doing?" Dave blushed slightly and grabbed at his red sheets to cover himself. "Fuck off and let me finish in piece" 

"Gog no" Karkat just started at him in some sort of state of wonder. He licked his lips slowly and moved toward Dave. He let the cape drop to the floor. 

"The fuck are YOU doing?" Dave asked this time and scooted back onto the bed to get away from Karkat. The troll just kneeled in front of him and tugged his hips forward so his face was nearly in his crotch. 

"I'm returning the favor fuckass, just let it happen" Karkat pulled the sheet away and started massaging the base of his cock. Dave just watched him from above as he leaned down and took the tip into the wet heat of his mouth. He started sucking and moving his hand up and down. 

"Sh-shit...Karkat" Dave's voice came out shakier than he wanted but he was content with the fact the Karkat Vantas was sucking his dick, and he didn't ever have to ask. 

Karkat took more in and sucked harder, hallowing out his cheeks to make full contact around his length. The blonde gave a low moan and gripped at his messy dark hair, pulling his mouth down further into his member. Karkat gagged and pulled his mouth off, choking. 

"Fuck Dave, are you trying to kill me?" Karkat coughed and wiped his mouth. 

"Maybe" Dave said and bit his lip when Karkat started pumping his length again. "Where did you learn to do that?" The Strider asked without thinking, he leaned his head back and opened his mouth slightly. 

"You forget, John's my human boyfriend" he said matter of factly. Dave almost came at the thought of Karkat doing this to John. 

"Fuck I forgot, just..." Dave's mind when blank for a second when Karkat dipped his tongue into the slit of the head. 

"Keep going" He said breathily and gasped when Karkat's mouth plunged down on his cock. He moved his mouth up and down, sucking harder as he went. Dave felt himself reaching his limit quickly and dug his fingers into Karkat's hair, pulling him harder down in between his legs. 

Pretty soon a white hot pleasure shot through Dave's body as he realized that he was coming into his mouth, moaning the troll's name loudly. He saw Karkat swallow In his post-orgasm state. 

"Was it good?" He asked softly, only to be pulled up onto the bed next to Dave. 

"Wasn't bad" Dave ignored Karkat's slight struggles and clasped the boy to his chest, tugging his spades blanket over them both. 

"What are you doing?" Karkat finally stopped struggling and laid limp against him, enjoying the distinct human heat. 

"Cuddling you" he said simply and ran his fingers through the troll's hair. If he didn't know any better, he would have thought it was loving. 

"Troll's don't cuddle" Karkat growled but wasn't protesting anymore.

"Yes you do" Dave cupped his face and looked at him, his shades a forgotten garment on the floor. 

Before either of them could say anything or let better judgment get in the way, Karkat leaned down and pressed their lips together softly. Dave trailed his hand up to rest loosely on the back of the troll's head, not meaning to deepen the kiss but that's what happened anyways. The two stayed like that for a few minutes, just gently kissing each other and enjoying the soft wet sound it made every time their lips parted, only to press together again. 

Karkat was the first to pull away. "What are we going to tell John?" He asked breathlessly. 

"We aren't" Dave decided quickly and turned over so he could press his front against Karkat's back. The two of them drifted off to sleep and enjoyed each other's warmth.

**Author's Note:**

> What have I done?
> 
> I am so sorry. 
> 
> I am so so deeply sorry you had to read that.


End file.
